Authenticity

Who You Are Is Not Up For Negotiation

Similar to healthy eating, authenticity is extremely important to our well being. Disregard it and risk veering way off of your life path and remaining there - or worse, never getting there at all. Whether you believe we only have one life or many lifetimes to master it, should we really waste this one?

I remember one of my first major decisions of my young life was whether to conform or to rebel. I was an alien stuffed into the body of a misfit; I’m being a bit dramatic here and there’s a whole crazy story that I’ll spare you, but I struggled to fit and to relate. I made a conscious choice to rebel around the time I entered high school. And oh boy I did. Frankly, I ended up looking like a weird, creepy mess. But I was determined to get it right and went on a quest to embrace my own awkwardness, create cool stuff and let the rest go. I became a tenacious student of my own authenticity. Forever peeking under rocks and in closets and on the highest of shelves. Writing it into my resolutions, gluing it onto story boards and sowing its seeds every Spring.

Becoming my own spiritual pen pal, checking in with my true self became a habit over the years as I realized its elusiveness. Just when I thought I had it down, I’d slip right back into a daily routine of work, commute, home, eat, sleep, poop, shower, repeat. Waking up from corporate conditioning and seeing that I’d fallen into a trap of mere existence instead of living my life unapologetically. I was letting people upset me and succumbing to the stressful mundane. I knew so much better. It broke my heart and was my soul’s death trap. So I always always make time to “go inward”. Each new cycle of discovery breaks me open and exposes me for who I should’ve been all along. And the more I learn about myself, the more I crave. I’m incredibly complex and paradoxical; a shape-shifter with a dark side. All of us, literally every single one of us is a beautifully layered onion waiting to be peeled. And until you’ve intentionally explored it, you can’t see how layered your onion is. You just don’t know what you don’t know.

A wise man never knows all, only a fool knows everything. African proverb

Genuine people tend to have a captive audience. I myself can sniff it out like a basset hound. Something about them says, “I am who I am, I do what I love and I don’t care what you think”. It’s not an arrogance, nor confidence. It’s not Aquarians, nor style. They’re just unbothered. In addition, they’ve learned a simple truth: “The fact that you have a problem with me is YOUR problem, not mine.” That screw-you-factor is something that transcends race, gender, age group and career status.

So where to start? There’s no way to emulate your way through this and no one else can “peel your onion” for you. You’ll need to be patient, have the tenacity to revisit and self-correct when all you really want to do is recline back into your old habits. Well, here are some starting points summarized into bite sized chunks. But trust me, each section is easily it’s own rabbit hole:

SELF ACCEPTANCE

Let yourself off the hook for things that you’re not great at. Maybe it’s just not your thing and that’s fine. It’s cool to know your strengths, but you absolutely must understand and own your weaknesses. This level of self acceptance comes from following a trail of your own breadcrumbs. Surely, you have that staunch inner critic that makes you doubt yourself and scolds you for exercising your human right to screw up sometimes. But one of the greatest acts of self-love is forgiving yourself. With a little practice, you’ll be glad that you learned to tell that little critic to

Just Shut Up!

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” Mark Twain

SELF EXPRESSION

You know those things that you love to do for the sake of doing them? So....why aren’t you doing them? What do you connect to? What makes YOU feel like YOU when you wear it? What have you successfully worn or done that made you feel so dope and how can you do that more often? Have any hobbies? If so, do you spend enough time doing them? What are your God-given talents? What have you always wanted to try? Find these things and build on that. If you’re having trouble identifying some of this, a good place to start is to explore your childhood. Did you love to paint, read, style hair, garden, rescue animals, tinker with electronics or make music? Ask a few loved ones what they think you’re good at. And then ask them what they think you suck at (and receive the answer with grace, please). Decide to invest more time on the good stuff.

INTEGRITY

Own your crap. Say what you are and do what you say. Try to first and foremost keep your word to yourself and then to others. Integrity, honesty and trustworthiness are purifiers and anything that counteracts this is a cancer. You’ll love being able to smile at yourself in the mirror. And remember that the REAL you is likely much more intriguing than who you think you should emulate.

BIG PICTURE IT

Take a step back and try to see the big picture. Why are you here? What’s your purpose? You’re rewarded when you are in alignment with your soul’s purpose. On the other hand, you’re corrected when you’re not - and it’s not fun. So pay attention. When you’re on the right path, you begin to enjoy the trip and worry less about the destination. What if you’re here to be a wonderful mother or to show love to a child that’s not yours. Could it be that you have a story that many need to hear and be inspired from? The possibilities are as endless as we are different.

CONNECT TO YOUR “JAH”

Whatever your Spirit needs, feed it often. Whether it’s God or Jah in the Jamaican culture, Jesus, Buddha, the Moon or music. Some of us need a congregation, some need a garden and others need an ancestral alter. The way you feed your soul is a choice that only you can make. This can be extremely difficult if your beliefs differ from your family or social circle, but once you align with your truest self, the path forward will become clear.

“Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul” Walt Whitman

PROTECT YOUR ENERGY

Love yourself enough to value your time and decide who might be dragging your energy. Make healthy boundaries and guard them with your life. Energy vampires are real, they are skilled and can be pretty toxic. These are people who just leave you exhausted and drained. They can leave you feeling literally violated - like they just took something from you, albeit intangible. It's true that there are some people who may not intend to drain you, but maintaining healthy boundaries will ensure that your time and energy stay yours. Love everyone, just maybe not up close.

BE VULNERABLE

This one’s important. Vulnerability opens the door to so much spiritual wealth including, ironically: power. Being vulnerable requires for you to trust a higher power, trust yourself and trust life’s process. It opens you up to better relationships; it’s being honest about how you feel, your fears, understanding what you need and asking for it. Our tendency to hold on to our crap is because we know how to handle it, but it can stifle a relationship between us and the ones we love. Stepping out of your own cubbyhole is extremely uncomfortable and about as real as it gets.

“There’s power in allowing yourself to be known and heard, in owning your unique story, in using your authentic voice.” Michelle Obama

BE OPEN MINDED...

We are all connected. Period, the end. Compassion for others as well as the ability to adjust your outdated and incorrect beliefs is imperative to your personal growth. Social acceptance can be a muscle that needs to be developed in most of us, but it leads to a purity in how you love those around you and how people feel in your presence. It makes you well-rounded and just an all around better person. I hope I’m not oversimplifying by saying that we’re here to be expressions of love. Therefore, how you value others is a reflection of how you value yourself.

..& BE MINDFUL

There are many meditation practices that can help get you centered. Or just find what works to stop your brain chatter and lets you be present to a moment. Take a few minutes each morning to decide how you will show up and set your intentions. Clear your mind and be present as you navigate your day. You get to design and set the tone for your day instead of the other way around. Be fully present and mindful instead of overreactive and overwhelmed.

You’re the only one of you on the planet. How awesome is that? You deserve to show it off, for goodness sake, represent! I am not an expert, nor do I know of anyone who claims to be perfect at this. I only know one thing to be true, authenticity is not a destination, it’s a mind set that you will always need to get after as your life changes course. Who you are is not to be negotiated.

“This is a wonderful day. I’ve never seen this one before.” Maya Angelou